I used to think that walking away was the hardest part of a toxic relationship. Turns out, it wasn’t.
It was waking up the next day alone, empty, and asking myself who I was without the person who made me feel like I was never enough.
You see, toxic love has a way of erasing you slowly. It starts with little things: the silent treatments, the subtle criticisms, the way they make you believe that you’re the problem. And before you know it, you start to doubt your worth, your decisions, even your own reflection in the mirror.
When I finally left, I thought freedom would feel like a victory. It didn’t. It felt like losing a war I never wanted to fight in the first place.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel Everything
You can’t heal what you refuse to feel.
I know how tempting it is to distract yourself to keep busy, to scroll endlessly, to pretend you’re fine. But the truth is, pain ignored is pain delayed.
Cry if you must. Write if you can. Scream if it helps. Healing isn’t linear; it’s messy and uncomfortable. But in every tear, every long sigh, every night you spend talking to the ceiling, you’re letting go of something that once held you captive.
2. Remember Who You Were Before You Were Made to Doubt Yourself
There was a version of you before the relationship.
The one who laughed louder, dreamed bigger, and trusted her own instincts. Go back to her. She’s still there, waiting.
For me, it started with small things — watching old movies I loved, wearing my favorite perfume again, going out alone without feeling guilty. They sound simple, but they were acts of reclaiming myself. Each little thing reminded me that I was still here.
3. Stop Measuring Your Worth by Someone Else’s Love
One of the biggest lies we’re told is that being loved by someone validates our worth. But if that love breaks you down, if it silences your voice, then it’s not love — it’s control disguised as affection.
You are not difficult. You are not too much. You were just loving the wrong person too deeply, hoping they’d meet you where you were.
Your worth isn’t dependent on anyone’s ability to see it. It was there before them, and it will remain long after they’re gone.
4. Forgive Yourself for Staying Too Long
We often look back and wonder, why did I stay?
But please, don’t turn your healing into self-blame. You stayed because you loved, because you believed in potential, because you saw the best in someone who couldn’t see it in themselves. That doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
Forgive yourself. You did the best you could with the love and understanding you had at the time.
5. Choose Peace Over Closure
There’s a version of closure we’ll never get. No apology, no explanation, no confession.
Sometimes, closure isn’t something they give you; it’s something you decide for yourself. It’s when you stop replaying the story in your head and finally say, it’s enough.
You can’t change what happened, but you can choose what comes next.
6. Relearn How to Love Yourself
It starts quietly like a whisper.
You wake up one day, look in the mirror, and instead of seeing the broken parts, you start seeing the survivor. You start speaking to yourself with kindness, celebrating small wins, forgiving your own flaws.
You begin to trust your heart again, not because someone healed it for you, but because you did.
The Beautiful After
If you’re reading this and you’re somewhere in between the leaving and the healing, please know that I see you. I’ve been there.
You might not feel it now, but there will come a day when you’ll wake up and realize that the peace you feel is far better than the chaos you once called love.
Rebuilding your self-worth after a toxic relationship isn’t about being who you were before — it’s about becoming someone stronger, wiser, and more whole. Someone who no longer begs to be loved right, because she finally learned to love herself the way she always deserved.