Let’s Be Real: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist is Tough
If you’re co-parenting with a difficult or narcissistic ex, I don’t have to tell you how exhausting it can be. You already know.
The manipulation, the mind games, the endless power struggles—it’s like being stuck in a battle you never signed up for. And the worst part? Your child is caught in the middle.
I get it. You want to protect your child, keep your peace, and somehow navigate this impossible situation without losing yourself in the process. The good news? It is possible—but it takes a strategy, strong boundaries, and a whole lot of self-preservation.
Let’s talk about how you can co-parent with a narcissist while keeping your sanity intact.
1. Accept That They Won’t Change (And Stop Expecting Them To)
First things first: a narcissist thrives on control, drama, and making everything about them.
If you’re waiting for your ex to magically wake up one day and start being reasonable, you’ll be waiting forever.
- They won’t suddenly put the child’s needs first (even though they should).
- They won’t become cooperative overnight (even if it would make life easier).
- They won’t admit when they’re wrong (ever).
Harsh truth? The sooner you accept that they are who they are, the less energy you’ll waste trying to make them change. Instead of fighting reality, shift your focus to what you can control—your reactions, your boundaries, and your peace.
2. Set Ironclad Boundaries (And Stick to Them Like Your Sanity Depends on It—Because It Does)
Narcissists love pushing limits. They thrive on chaos and will do anything to drag you into their drama. Boundaries are your best defense.
- Stick to written communication. Keep texts, emails, or use a co-parenting app like OurFamilyWizard. This prevents them from twisting your words.
- Keep conversations business-like. Think of it as a transactional relationship: short, direct, and unemotional. No small talk, no venting, no engaging in their games.
- Say no and mean it. If they constantly try to change schedules, show up unannounced, or violate agreements, don’t argue—simply restate the boundary.
Example:
❌ Them: “I’m taking the kids this weekend instead of next. Deal with it.”
✅ You: “Per our custody agreement, the schedule remains as is. If you need a change, please submit a request in writing.”
No emotion. No explanation. No room for manipulation.
3. Document Everything (Because Narcissists Lie—A Lot)
A narcissist will rewrite history to make themselves the victim and you the villain. Protect yourself by keeping records of everything.
- Save every email, text, and message.
- Document missed visitations, late pickups, and inappropriate behavior.
- If needed, communicate through a court-approved co-parenting app to keep a paper trail.
Having receipts will save you a lot of headaches if they ever try to twist the truth in court.
4. Don’t Take the Bait (Even When They’re Pushing Every Button You Have)
Narcissists love provoking a reaction. They’ll do whatever they can to make you angry, defensive, or emotional—because that gives them power.
- When they send a nasty text? Ignore it or respond with facts only.
- When they try to turn the kids against you? Stay calm and keep being the stable parent.
- When they start a fight just to feel in control? Refuse to engage.
Remember: Their goal is to control your emotions. Don’t let them.
Instead, practice the Gray Rock Method—be as boring, unemotional, and unresponsive as possible. Eventually, they’ll realize they can’t get a reaction and move on.
5. Put Your Child First (Even When Your Ex Won’t)
A narcissistic parent often sees their child as an extension of themselves—not as an individual with their own feelings and needs. This means they may:
- Try to turn your child against you (parental alienation).
- Use them as a pawn in power games.
- Ignore their emotional needs in favor of their own image.
Your job? Be the safe, stable, and emotionally available parent.
- Encourage open conversations with your child (without badmouthing your ex).
- Teach them healthy boundaries and emotional regulation.
- Let them know they are loved, supported, and never responsible for managing their other parent’s emotions.
Kids are smart. Over time, they’ll recognize who the stable parent is—and that will matter more than any lies your ex tries to spread.
6. Get Support (Because You Shouldn’t Do This Alone)
Co-parenting with a narcissist can feel isolating, but you are not alone.
- Find a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse.
- Join a support group—online or in-person. Talking to others who get it can be life-changing.
- Build a strong circle of friends, family, and professionals who support you.
You don’t have to navigate this battle by yourself. The more support you have, the stronger you’ll be.
7. Protect Your Peace (Because They’ll Never Stop Trying to Disrupt It)
At the end of the day, you can’t control your ex. You can’t make them be a good parent, a reasonable co-parent, or a decent human being.
But you can control you.
- Choose peace over drama.
- Set boundaries without guilt.
- Protect your mental and emotional well-being.
You deserve a life free from their toxicity. And guess what? You’re already winning just by choosing to rise above it.
Final Thoughts: You Are Stronger Than You Think
I won’t lie—co-parenting with a difficult or narcissistic ex is exhausting. But you are strong, you are capable, and you can do this.
Stay focused on your child, protect your peace, and never forget that you deserve happiness too.
And if no one’s told you today: You are doing an amazing job. ❤️
0 Comments